Written by Alyssa to explain why you can't have an original thought
in your life and how everything is thus pointless.
(OOC: CONTENT WARNING FOR A VARIETY OF ABUSE THEMES,
MENTAL HEALTH THEMES, UNREALITY DEPICTIONS OF OBLIVIOUS
AND/OR CONFIDENTLY WRONG INTERNET COMMENTS, ETC.
ALSO EXPERIENCE VARIES A LOT WITH SCREEN SIZE,
SORRY!!)
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I've been fourteen
since I was fourteen
don't you know?
that was eight years ago.
I've been fourteen
since I was fourteen
and I've been fourteen
since I was twelve
and when I was four, someone so badly wanted me
to be eighteen, or so
since I was just a picture, from an ultrasound
they always wanted a girl
until when I was a minute old
then were self assured, it all turned around
they always wanted a boy
ironic, isn't it?
I mean, couldn't they have been a bit more original?
They literally named me after a David Hasselhoff character
and of all the things to dream of, they chose to dream
about a boring selection of genders from a binary list
never dreamt anything more, never even conceived of the option
"Just give me a child which is the same as all the others."
Assigned derivative at birth.
While I was busy making a life
the world had other plans
I'm larger than god
by about 210 pounds, the scale shows
of that, I could afford to lose a good 86%
Nobody would notice, but everyone would say something.
Being someone's boyfriend
and wishing I could be their girlfriend
being someone's girlfriend
and wishing I didn't look like their boyfriend
so much time spent roaming by streetlights
doing whatever I can to cope with the pressure,
and it turns out
I don't feel like being either, as of recent
Boyfriends, girlfriends, isn't it all a bit derivative?
Fool me once, fool me twice, I'll be fooled again
all of my dreams have trickled down to the worms
you can't prove anything won't happen.
Boyfriends, girlfriends, joyfriends, everyone's done those already
fooled you thrice into you thinking I'm so creative
you can try to dream yourself on home, to a place that's not so familiar
but you must understand, Kimba has already done it.
Since I was a second old
they wanted me to be human
but being human is so fucking derivative
everyone's being a human being
but being such a being?
it isn't being anything at all
except bound
is there truly nothing you'd be happier as?
nothing about your current self you completely resent?
I've been fourteen for a good eight years
but I haven't done anything worthwhile since I was fourteen
and I haven't had an original idea ever, waiting in the sitting room
so tired of being unseen but I still cover my face
in every goddamn photograph
I should really know better
a couple thousand people on Shutterstock have done that already.